Wednesday, May 25, 2016

More Stuff that Larry Twicken Says

Those who’ve been following this website for a while should already be familiar with Larry Twicken of Saddleback College, an intellectual cavalier of the Howard Zinn Order who “professes” a great many revealing things to students of his political science classes.  Last year we provided a short-form overview of the lecture he most prizes, that being his sensational, “f____ing incredible” rebuttal of the “mythology” of Christopher Columbus.  Unfortunately, in our rush to share Mr. Twicken’s sage discoveries with the world, we ended up excluding a myriad of one-liners that didn’t make it into the pilot episode of his classroom drama.  Taken straight from the Author’s notes, these quotes are intended to emend that error.


On religion:
“From a scientific perspective – you know, facts – one story [in the Old Testament] makes no sense: Adam and Eve.” 
[In an earlier class] “People say to me, ‘Jesus loves…’  What if Jesus was at the border?  Would he say, ‘Get the f___ out of here!’  The Jesus I know would say, ‘Give me a f___ing hug.’” 
[In another, later class] “You can’t make religious arguments about marriage or the Constitution.” 
“My church is 98% Afro-American.”

On the Declaration of Independence:
“One people didn’t include American Indians or African-Americans.” 
“The Pursuit of Happiness clause was implicitly racist, because it was about avoiding confrontation with the king over slave ownership.  Changes were made to minimize U.S. hypocrisy.”

On factions and due process:
“The first question is, ‘What the f___ does factions have to do with the Constitution?’” 
“In America, if you’re in a small group of people, a hated group, you’re f___ed.” 
[Doing his New Castrati voice]  “But Mr. Twicken, what about freedom?”  [Mr. Twicken voice]  “I’m the majority, I don’t need to give a s____ about that!” 
“Judges very rarely throw out evidence.  Only on TV is evidence ever excluded.” 
“A judge shouldn’t care about justice… Prosecutors and defense lawyers don’t care about justice.” 
“The average person on trial is Latino, while the average juror is an old white guy.” 
“The system is problematic because no one is responsible for justice.” 
“We don’t even have a system for finding out who’s innocent, who’s guilty.” 
“Prosecutors have incredible power over powerless people.” 
“He [Todd Willingham] couldn’t enunciate clearly because he was borderline retarded.” 
[Speaking of the Central Park Five rapists]  “They were completely innocent.”

On the gays:
“Have you ever noticed how many cops hang around gay bars?” 
“So Texas says, you know, f___ it, there’s good sodomy and bad sodomy, and only homosexual sodomy should be illegal.” 
“Anyone 50 and above is stuck in the mud.  Under 50, attitudes are way different.” 
“The American government treated women and LGBT way worse than King George treated the colonists… It’s who makes the grievance, not the grievance that matters.” 
“It’s in us.  If we as a majority decide we don’t like LGBT discrimination…” 
“Gay folks do not have the same rights as black folks right now… Someone who is gay does not have the same rights as heterosexuals.”

On immigration:
“Most of the discussions we have in California about immigration are racist.” 
“I looked at this thing [Proposition 187] and I knew this was unconstitutional.  The Supreme Court said it was unconstitutional.” 
[Still on Proposition 187, which excluded illegal immigrants from public accommodations such as taxpayer-funded schooling]  “How can you do this?  How can this happen?” 
“The 14th amendment says ‘any person’.”  I guess that any person can vote in the United States.
[Another class, Twicken speaking]: “Here’s a question: should illegal immigrants be allowed to vote?”  [One of Twicken’s female students, sweetly]: “I think so…”

On what the U.S. government does and doesn’t do:
“The federal government in reality doesn’t do much.” 
“In terms of military, we’re the baddest mother____er in the world.” 
“When Cheney says, ‘Oh, we’ll be liberators,’ you know that’s just dumb.” 
“One of the worst things we do is health care.” 
“With checks and balances, Bush and Obama can’t do ____ about immigration.” 
[On Bradley v. Milliken]  “Now the Supreme Court says it’s not their business where people live.  In 20 years, we’ve gone backward.”

On the Constitution and original intent:
“No right is absolute, nor can be denied absolutely.”
“Originalists are like Biblical literalists.”
“The Constitution means everything and nothing at the same time.  The Constitution is not written.”
“Separation of church and state is not in the constitution, but it’s an established legal concept.” 
[Draws a diagram of the judicial spectrum, with activism/Progressives on one side and restraint/Originalists on the other]  “Good judges are somewhere in between.” 
“The Originalist view is just a view, not the view.  It’s kind of bogus.”

Size doesn’t matter, or does it?
“The problem with the Tea Party is that the Constitution was created to make a huge government.” 
[Speaking by analogy about Madison’s goal of “extending the sphere” of government, basically spreading representation across a larger area]  “I’m trying not to look at any of you in particular, but… When I was in my 20s, if I could get my hands on a bare, naked female breast, I never thought, ‘Well, what if it was a little larger…’  I would be so grateful.” 
“The truth is, the white man was afraid of that bigger, blacker penis.  If his wife gets a hold of that, no way she’s going back.”

On the media:
“The media has a marginal impact on politics.” 
“There is no liberal media.”  Just in case you got the wrong impression. He goes on to explain that the media get their money from advertisers, who want to appeal to the center, and therefore journalists cannot exhibit a political bias.
“Newspapers were way more biased in early history.” 
[On the KFI talk radio hosts]  “John and Ken are reading straight from the L.A. Times.”

On John Kasich:
“I think that Donald Trump is really just in it for entertainment value… The governor of Ohio is the real guy you should be watching in this race… I can’t remember his name.”

Fast-travel to other parts:
Stuff That Larry Twicken says
Even More Stuff That Larry Twicken Says

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