|Rowling says, “Now that’s just wrong.”|
We muggles have a bad habit of becoming inextricably, hopelessly devoted to our favorite fictional characters. Often times, the most devoted among us are the same ones who gave these characters life in the first place. The question that continues to plague and divide literary critics is whether creation is tantamount to ownership. The vast majority of casual readers tend to answer in the negative, a tendency that’s reflected in the consumer response to J.K. Rowling’s most recent revisionist comments concerning her best-selling Harry Potter series and what its heroes could have or should have been.
“Hands off your books.”
“Cease and desist from writing novels.”
“Just shut the ____ up.”
Older followers of Harry’s adventures have drawn scornful comparisons between Rowling’s constant changes to her text and George Lucas’ desperate strides to “fix” the original Star Wars trilogy with the latest and greatest computer effects. Those who remembered watching the theatrical cuts in their youth and film preservations alike decried Lucas’ CG additions and other edits to his creations, ultimately forcing him into retirement over a particularly radical alteration that completely changed scoundrel smuggler Han Solo’s character and arguably ruined the film that started it all.
|More than just friends at last.|
Film scholar Robert Edgars debunked the claim by alluding to the climactic Mustafar duel of Revenge of the Sith. “When Obi-Wan exits Padme Amidala’s starship and confronts his former apprentice, Anakin instinctively senses that the older Jedi has perpetrated an affair with his secret wife, accosting her violently, ‘You’re with him! You brought him here to kill me!’ and following that with the now famous accusation: ‘You turned her against me!’ Anyone who contends that Ben Kenobi is gay must dismiss undeniable evidence that he was sorely attracted to Padme, willing to risk his own life in order to save hers, even cutting down his closest friend for her sake.”
Edgar’s critical essay went viral on the internet, being read by thousands of infuriated nerds who can’t or don’t normally read, including Lucas himself. Thus his thesis unfortunately backfired, inspiring the director to rewrite and re-record the pivotal scene for the Blu-ray re-release so as to more clearly convey his idea: “You were like a partner to me!”
“#BrunoMarsHalftime will go down one of most amazing and unforgettable ever. @BrunoMars right up there at the top with @Madonna, @Beyonce, @Janet Jackson, and The Who.”
“So happy to see @Bruno Mars using his fame to affect [sic] #progress and tolerance. No matter who you love, love yourself #JustTheWayYouAre.”
“Don’t worry, Bruno. #Hatersgonnahate. You’ll be on #therightsideofhistory someday.”
Update: Huffington responded by asking if the Author was aware that the U2-sponsored (Red) Project is mainly about preventing the transmission of AIDS from infected mothers to newborn children, which he was not. 99% of the time, he’s right all of the time. It’s the 1% that proves his human fallibility.
Staff postscript: Before you all start hating on George and complaining about how he hijacked this website, take comfort in knowing that the next post will be written by the Author.
Author’s postscript: And, yes, to all you snarky, smartalecky readers, I am aware that Lindsey Stirling made a Bruno Mars video. How unspeakably foolish of you to think otherwise or assume that I forgot about it. Don’t you know I would give her all I have even if she tossed it in the trash – yeah, I would die for her, baby!